Bar Jokes

  One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $55.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
E-mail to a friend
Send to a friend through Yahoo Messenger
Joke mark: 9.56 (from 9 marks) - Give a mark for joke

  James Bond in Moscow. He enters into a bar and says to bartender:
- Hello, I 'm Bond. James Bond.
- The bartender says:
- Hello, I 'm Gay. Serghei!
E-mail to a friend
Send to a friend through Yahoo Messenger
Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke

  A businessman enters a tevern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartneder to preapre another double martini. After he finishes that, he agian peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring him another double martini.

The bartender says, "look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martini's all night long, but you got to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home!
E-mail to a friend
Send to a friend through Yahoo Messenger
Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke

  The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"

The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."
E-mail to a friend
Send to a friend through Yahoo Messenger
Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke

  Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
E-mail to a friend
Send to a friend through Yahoo Messenger
Joke mark: 9 (from 4 marks) - Give a mark for joke