Sports

  Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf when one one of them commented on how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed - and without an argument, go directly to the golf course to meet his buddies for 18 holes. All three of his friends unanimously agree, "Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning!"
A few weeks later it’s Christmas morning - and there all are standing next to each other on the first tee box. One friend exclaims "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I had to buy my wife such a huge diamond ring, she can’t even take her eyes off it." Another friend says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." The third friend replies "Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car... reading the manual." Silence from the fourth guy...
The other three friends in the group look puzzled, while the final guy in the foursome is staring at them like they must have lost their minds. "I can’t believe you all went to such and expense for a round of golf. I just woke up, slapped her on the butt and said - Well babe, Merry Christmas! Golf or sex, what’s it gonna be? - and she said - Take a sweater."
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Joke mark: 9.67 (from 3 marks) - Give a mark for joke

  How do you make a snooker table laugh?
Put your hands in the pockets and tickle its balls...
[ Joke sent by Liam ]
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Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke

  One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
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  Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"Mmmmm mmmm mmm mm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"Mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you."
The successful man spits something into his hand. "You've got to keep your worms warm."
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Joke mark: 9 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke

  "What is your dad?"
"My dad is a boxer."
"What is your mother?"
"Extremely cautious!"
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke