Animal Jokes

  A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer". The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"
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  A bear at the pharmacy: "50 condoms please."
Two rabbits from behind mock him.
The bear looking sharp to them returns to the pharmacist and says: "52!"
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  Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right were you left it!
[ Joke sent by Katlyn ]
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  A lion woke up one morning with the urge to assert his superiority over his fellow beasts.
He strode over to a monkey, and roared "Who is the Mightiest of Animals?"
"You are, Master," said the monkey, cowering.
Then the lion approached a warthog. "Who is the Mightiest of Animals?" roared the lion.
"You are, my Lord," said the warthog, quivering with fear.
Next the lion met an elephant. "Who is the Mightiest of Animals?" roared the lion.
The elephant grabbed the lion with his trunk, swung him in the air, slammed him ten times against a tree trunk, threw him into a dense patch of thorns, and strolled away.
"Okay!" shouted the lion. "There's no need to turn nasty just because you don't know the answer!"
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  A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."
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Joke mark: 9.33 (from 6 marks) - Give a mark for joke